i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the condom got lost in my hair
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
