Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
