this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
