so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
