Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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