I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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