my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
