the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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