"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
