Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
