Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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