What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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