Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
