At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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