So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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