I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
