We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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