Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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