Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
