I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
