Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
