No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
