I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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