i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
