Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
