Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
