Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
