I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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