Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
