a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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