her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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