No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
