IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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