I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
