im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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