Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
