He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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