apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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