Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
