drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
