Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
