Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
