before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
