You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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