Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
