you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
