Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
