I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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