Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
