is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i love accidental penises.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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