Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They took my balls.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
