he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
