how can u be prego again
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
